COVIDating: What happens after the first date?

Dec 21, 2020
 

What happens after the first date? If you're interested in someone, how do you keep them interested? If you're not interested, how do you let them go? 

After you have a date with someone you need to evaluate how you felt about the date, independent of the other person. Are you energized? Do your cheeks hurt from smiling so much? Did you laugh? Is this person giving you energy or are they pulling your energy? Evaluate how you feel immediately after the date, but then sleep on it and keep checking in with yourself, date after date.

So let’s say you’ve decided you do want to see someone again… According to the book The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein, they suggest letting them come to you.

Remember: If you're really excited, you don't want to come off too overeager. You don't want to be a stage five clinger! Y’all, I have made this mistake too many times…

Keep doing your own thing. If they are interested in meeting up again, they will make it clear. If you are confused if they like you, they likely aren't interested. It's hard to not get hung up on this and someone not liking you or reciprocating, but why would we want to continue chasing someone who feels lukewarm towards us?

It gets easier to stay unattached if you continue diving into your own life, passions, hobbies, and friendships rather than allowing a potential partner's behavior soley influence how happy or lonely you feel each day.

Remember: You have to complete your own life and be responsible for your own happiness. A partner just enhances your life!

When you communicate, Alex Cooper from the Call Her Daddy Podcast recommends that you be a little inconsistent. And Schneider & Fein echo this by saying you should remain a mystery, leave them wanting more. When you're talking to the other person and want to keep them interested, be fully present, be fully engaged, be fully yourself, but you don't need to be communicating with this person all day, every day. Less is more! 

Pro Tip: Always say goodnight first and always end phone conversations first. Trust me! Shows you're busy and have a life and prioritizing yourself! Leaves them wanting more!

What if you just don't see relationship potential with someone, but you’d be interested in a casual hookup? What do you do in this case? Well, same thing applies! Don’t text them every day. I’d also suggest more flirty texting, maybe sending some Snapchats, and not necessarily having a string of conversation. Always let them initiate.

Now let’s say you go on a first date and you just immediately know that this person isn’t the right fit for you… Don’t ghost them! If you know that it's not right for you, just send them an exit text. Send it as soon as you’re clear about your feelings, and remember, it doesn’t have to be long. Most importantly, be honest and don’t apologize! You do not have to apologize for your feelings and for ending a connection. 

So often people are nervous to send a definitive exit text because they're worried about hurting people's feelings… But in my experience, I've gotten so many thank you's after exit texts, because people are grateful not to be strung along. 

If you find yourself placing your worth in the hands of people you’re dating, then you probably need to turn inward and focus more on yourself. Like I always say, you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. These people are just adding value to your life. 

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