In September 2019 I listened to a podcast about how to get through a breakup. Obviously I knew deep down that my relationship was coming to an end…
I was with my ex for five years. So naturally we started to have serious conversations. We were living together, our families were connected, and when we started to talk about our future family, I wanted to discuss what religion we would raise our children. (My ex is Jewish and I’m Catholic.) By having conversations about what compromises we were willing to make and which ones we weren’t, so many other complications surfaced. We saw a counselor, said what we needed to say, and it was a mutual ending. The relationship had run its course.
Once the relationship officially ended, I reflected on what I learned from the podcast I had listened to...
Look at the relationship you just ended as phase 1. Don't view phase 1 with a negative attitude; view it as a learning experience. Reflect to see what lessons you needed to learn, extract those lessons, internalize them, and take them with you so that you can show up as a better partner moving forward.
I learned that I wasn’t open to feedback and help in my last relationship. My breakup has brought me closer to faith. I go to church every Sunday by myself now and I know that faith in my relationship is worth fighting for. I was playing my whole life small.
Then you turn to phase 2…
I was 19 when I started dating my ex, and funny enough, the growth I’ve experienced in the last 5 months has been more significant than my growth over the past five years. I'm sassy and confident now! I’ve become more honest, direct, I advocate for myself, and I’m more willing to speak my mind. I’m less stressed because I finally have boundaries and balance. Most importantly, I’ve learned that I am okay being by myself. Just because I’m alone, doesn’t mean I’m lonely. And I've learned how real it is when people say, "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else."
You have to reframe a breakup. It’s all a learning experience. Phase 1 into phase 2!
I’m so proud of my journey post-breakup and so grateful for my relationship experience. Getting to know myself, learning, and acknowledging my short-comings hasn’t always been easy but it’s been worth it. I love who I see in the mirror and I’m excited to live the life I’ve created each day.
If you want to go to a restaurant, order whatever you want, and NOT leave feeling gross, bloated & guilty about what you ate… I'm here to tell you, THAT IS POSSIBLE! The answer is here.