Let's talk ghosting, y'all.
Dating is all about getting experience and gaining perspective. And if you're lucky, it's about making a really special connection...
But what if the person you’re talking to isn't “the one,” and you know deep down you need to set a clear boundary that you're not interested in pursuing a relationship? To be blunt; what if you’re just not feeling them anymore?
This is going to come up a lot because there are more people that aren’t right for you in the world than right for you...
Do you just stop responding and let things fizzle out...? When people ghost you, doesn’t that leave you wondering what you did wrong or why they didn’t want to continue the connection? If you ghost people, do you do it because it’s just "easier" and you’re afraid to hurt the other person’s feelings?
Well, I am 100% anti-ghosting.
Maybe it’s because I view relationship experience as a means for personal growth or because I think it feels crappy when people ghost me, but I treat people how I want to be treated… which means I don’t ghost!
(In fact, some friends say that I basically give men an exit interview. Whoops!)
If I’m the one to end things, the person I'm ending things with will know exactly why. I am intentional about being honest and kind, but also direct and clear.
In my opinion, ghosting (in most cases) is a cop out and, frankly, immature. It doesn’t do the other person any good to not help them learn as much from the experience as they could. Look at it this way... Just throw the dog a bone!
Not sure what to say in your exit text? I keep it to a simple formula:
1. Thank them for meeting & start with a positive!
"Hey John, thank you so much for drinks the other night! It was great learning about you. It's clear that you're super passionate about your work!"
2. Be honest and make it clear how you're feeling.
"I do want to be honest with you though. I don't think we'd be the best match and I'm not interested in meeting up again."
3. Wish them luck & close the conversation!
Again, really appreciated meeting you! Good luck with everything!
Short, sweet, and direct! Doesn't take too much time on your end to send and it means a lot to the other person. Also, I believe it helps people with future partners if you’re just honest, rather than leaving them wondering. If they were nice but you just didn't feel a spark, an exit text just makes that clear so both people can energetically move on. I believe there’s always a kind but honest way to say that. So, just send an exit text. Do the right thing!
Want to follow my dating chronicles more closely? Tune into my Date Debriefs on my IG story @abbie.stasior!
